Why aren't you big?
by Mistress Soul
Summary: "Why aren't you big, Mr. Fullmetal Alchemist?" In which Ed inadvertently gets roasted by a little kid.


**Loosely based off of a true story. First FMA fic.**

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It was business as usual for the two brothers. Ed had just gotten chewed out by Mustang (again), Ed proceeded to argue with Mustang, Al played mediator, Hawkeye made sure that Mustang didn't do anything too stupid and kept her pistols ready, and then after the usual argument, the "Colonel Bastard" (as Ed liked to call him) sent them on another mission involving the Philosopher's Stone.

They had just arrived to the town they were told to investigate, but Ed and Al stopped by a nearby restaurant since Ed claimed to be "famished" and needed something to eat.

Ed was now greedily digging into his bowls of ramen as if he hadn't eaten in days, as Alphonse just watched him awkwardly, seeing as he was unable to eat, before turning his attention over to a nearby table that seemed to be talking about them.

"...looks familiar," a young boy whispered to an older woman, presumably his mother. "Do you think it might be him?"

The older woman smiled at her son, and looked like she was about to reply, before the shouts of his brother snapped him back to attention. "Al! Were you even listening to me?" Ed hissed, "You've just been staring at that other table for several minutes now!"

If he was capable of blinking, he would have. "I was?" Al asked in confusion. "Sorry about that, brother."

The older brother sighed. "It's fine. But what about those people got you so lost in thought? They don't appear to be anyone we know."

Before the armor could respond, the same little boy he was listening to earlier came running up to Ed, eyes full of wonder and excitement. "Hey there, mister!" The boy enthusiastically exclaimed, "you wouldn't happen to be the Fullmetal Alchemist, would you?"

Ed looked at the young boy in confusion, while his mother turned to look at the young alchemist apologetically. "Sorry about my son. He's pretty excitable about the Fullmetal Alchemist. He does this to anyone that he thinks fits the bill."

The Fullmetal Alchemist pondered that for a moment. He knew he was pretty well-known, but it still surprised him to have such an enthusiastic fan, especially one so young. "If I may ask, why does he want to meet him so badly?" He decided to ask the woman, before any kind of revelation.

The boy answered instead. "Well, he's the youngest State Alchemist in history, for one!" He responded, eyes gleaming, "Not to mention that he's helped a bunch of people! I heard he even shut down an illegal gold mine! He's my hero, and greatest inspiration."

_Hero, huh? _He mused. Sure, he helped people along the way, but he wasn't nearly as selfless as this kid was making him out to be. He only wanted to restore his and Al's bodies back to normal. Still, it was nice to know he made such a positive impact on people. He decided to make his move.

"Well, your search is finally over," Ed started, before reaching for his pocket. "You finally found him." He showed the starstruck boy his state-issued watch, before quickly stuffing it back into his pocket, so as to not attract _too_ much attention.

"That's so cool!" The boy squealed. "That must be the watch they give to all the State Alchemists! And you have golden hair and eyes just like they say! Is it true that your right arm is automail as well? And your left leg?"

Al was beginning to look nervous (well, as much as a suit of armor could look nervous, anyways), as the other tables had started to look over at theirs with all the commotion. "Brother, I think we should take this elsewhere." He suggested.

Before the elder brother could respond to the boy, he turned his attention to the suit of armor. "Hey! You must be his brother! Alphonse, right?"

"I'm a bit creeped out on how much they know about me." Ed whispered to Al, beginning to look nervous as well.

Ed began to leave the required amount of cenz on the table to pay for the meal. "Well, I'd love to stick around longer, but we've got places to be." Ed stated, as he began to stand up.

"Aww, you're leaving already?" The boy whined.

"Brother's right, we've got to get moving." The younger brother said apologetically.

As they started turning to leave, they heard one more thing. "Wait a second, you're really short!"

_Oh no,_ Al thought as he started the countdown. _1, 2, 3..._

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU COULD STUFF HIM INTO A DOLLHOUSE?!" Ed ranted, any sign of nervousness replaced with rage.

"Huh? I never said that! I just thought you'd be taller, mister alchemist!" The oblivious boy kept digging his own grave.

"Jacob, we should probably leave now." The wise mother suggested.

"Brother-" Al started, but was quickly cut off by Jacob once again.

"Why aren't you big?" Jacob asked innocently.

"WHAT?!" Ed fumed. "I'm plenty big, what are you talking about?"

"You're the same size as my ten year old sister! Actually, I think she's taller than you! Why are you so short, Mr. Fullmetal Alchemist?"

"What? That's the Fullmetal Alchemist?" A disbelieving patron asked. "He's a runt!"

"He's probably lying, there's no way someone that little could be in the military!" Another patron responded.

Ed was beginning to see red. Al, meanwhile, was fearing for the lives of the patrons if this kept up.

Then, the dam finally broke. "Hey, what's that kid doing out of kindergarten so early?"

"THAT'S IT!" One clap of the hands later, and everyone in the restaurant was staring at a menacing metal blade.

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That was the story of how both Ed and Al got permanently banned from their 30th restaurant that week.


End file.
